Who’s worse, Millennials or Boomers?
— Stuck in the Middle With Both of Those Fuckers
Wie geht’s, wie steht’s SITMWBOTF:
Ludwig Wittgenstein famously said that any question that can be asked — i.e. is not a gibberish philosophical question — can also be answered. Of course, then he had a bit of a thing and went to live by himself in the Austrian mountains and teach elementary school for 10 years and designed a weird house for his sister, and then when he finally got around to writing something again it was to say that most of the time, we’re asking the wrong question when we ask it, and instead of solving problems, we should be dissolving them.
All this is to say: Millennials and Boomers are actually two barely-different sides of the same self-absorbed coin. They both act entirely in their own interests and blame other people for their problems despite being the entire center of everyone’s attention and having every major industry cater solely to their needs for the entirety of their young adulthood.
What problems they do have are, furthermore, exclusively self-inflicted: oh, your Social Security check is late, Grandpa? That’s because of the fuckface your racist Boomer ass elected President. And oh, you poor Millennials, you don’t have a full-time job and instead must “hustle” “gigs”? Could that be because you literally cannot live without fifty apps that “disrupted” all of your shopping, transportation, communication, relationships, and travel beyond any trace of its original humanity, and thereby create the very market for “hustling” “gigs” you ostensibly so despise?
One generation thinks it’s hilarious to worry about some pansy-ass nonsense called the “environment” and votes for the straight Koch/Halliburton ticket with glee; the other makes a bunch of shitty posturing about how every candidate for President fails to meet their stringent, virtuous standards of idealistic environmental perfection, and then Ubers from one side of a college campus to the other one, pumping the air full of Koch Brothers fumes and creating an insatiable demand for yet more idling, circling Ubers to do the same. Speaking of the same: YOU ARE THE SAME, BOOMERS AND MILLENNIALS. THE SAME IN YOUR SUCKAGE.
Both generations are ambitious to a fault and value personal, selfish success signifiers — the big house and multiple cars for the former; the seething-jealousy-inspired Instagram feed of travel and meals and performative “experience” ephemera for the latter — over human connection, truth, love, or anything that actually matters.
So the answer, my friend, is blowing in the wind: There is no winner or loser in this question, because Millennials and Boomers are the same.